Known for her candid opinions on Loose Women, she now serves as Britain’s most straightforward advice columnist, offering guidance on issues related to sex, relationships, and life challenges. Contact Coleen at dearcoleen@mirror.co.uk – please note that personal responses are not available. You can also write to Coleen Nolan at The Daily Mirror, One Canada Square, London E14 5AP. Stay updated with her newsletter every Saturday by signing up at bit.ly/MirrorColeen
Dear Coleen
In my circle of friends, there’s a woman I’ve known since our school days who fits the stereotype of a mean girl – attractive, popular, but often unkind. I now keep my distance from her, although I maintain a close friendship with her sibling, which I suspect she resents. During a recent birthday celebration that she attended, I felt obligated to invite her due to the presence of our mutual friends. Despite my efforts to include her, her behavior at the party, marked by indifference and thinly veiled offensive remarks disguised as jokes, left me feeling hurt, especially on my special day.
Consequently, I have distanced myself from her sister, as I find it challenging to tolerate the negative influence of this individual in my life. While it saddens me to drift apart from her sister, I prioritize my well-being and refuse to subject myself to negativity and self-doubt.
Should I address the situation directly with her or her sister, or is it best to let go of both relationships? Despite the potential awkwardness due to our children attending the same nursery, I believe I can maintain connections with our mutual friends without her presence. Your perspective on this matter would be greatly appreciated.
Coleen’s Advice
If interacting with her is detrimental to your peace of mind and does not bring you joy, it is wise to distance yourself. You can continue to engage with your other friends, including her sister, in smaller, separate settings.
At this stage of your life, you are not obligated to invite individuals to your gatherings who do not contribute positively to your life. Remember, you have outgrown the social pressures of your school days.
It appears that you all may still be trapped in the roles established during your school years. This could be an opportunity for you to assert yourself or move on from these dynamics.
If you choose to distance yourself and her sister inquires about the change, you can openly express your feelings by stating, “I find it difficult to connect with your sister, and her behavior at my birthday party was upsetting.” This honesty may either strengthen your bond or lead to a reevaluation of their relationship.
In life, people enter our paths for distinct reasons – some for a short while. It is acceptable to move away from certain friendships as circumstances evolve, and you should not feel guilty about prioritizing your well-being.
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