Formerly known for her candid opinions on Loose Women, she is now regarded as Britain’s most straightforward advice columnist, offering guidance on various personal issues such as relationships, sex, and life challenges.
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Dear Coleen
I’m a man in my early thirties and have been in a relationship with my girlfriend for a few months. We share many interests, and our connection has deepened quickly.
Both of us recently ended previous relationships when we met. I had an 18-month relationship with my ex, and we have had no contact since. However, my girlfriend was with her ex for seven years, starting when they were 21, and he remains actively involved in her life.
Understanding that they shared a significant part of their lives and were each other’s first serious partners, I find his continued presence in my girlfriend’s life, particularly with her family, unsettling.
His single status also bothers me. Although my girlfriend doesn’t meet him alone, they communicate frequently, and he visits her parents regularly.
This situation is unique to me as I never felt this way about my previous partners’ exes. I feel insecure and needy because of his presence.
I haven’t discussed my feelings with my girlfriend but hope that he finds someone else soon. Do you think my concerns are valid, or am I overreacting?
Coleen advises
Considering his frequent presence, your feelings are entirely normal, and it’s reasonable to desire space for your relationship to flourish. Remember that she chose you, and their previous relationship ended for a reason.
Their amicable breakup may have led to a friendship due to their long history, but your presence changes the dynamics. It can be challenging for partners and families to move on after a long-term relationship due to the deep bonds formed.
Her family may be kind to her ex because they see her happiness with you and his lack of progress in moving on. However, this situation cannot persist indefinitely. Eventually, he may meet someone new, shifting his focus away from your girlfriend and her family.
Try to build self-assurance and establish boundaries. Engage more with her parents and express your discomfort with her ex’s presence. Communication and setting boundaries are essential in this scenario.
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