Known for her straightforward approach on Loose Women, she is now Britain’s most candid advice columnist, offering guidance on sex, relationships, and life challenges.
Dear Coleen
As a single mother in my forties, I’ve had to adjust to a significant lifestyle change. Following the sale of our family home, I downsized to a smaller residence with my three children, and my income is limited as I work part-time to prioritize my kids.
My former partner, who runs a successful business, and I were accustomed to a certain standard of living – a spacious house, luxury car, and the financial freedom for vacations, clothing, and social activities.
My current dilemma revolves around dating a man I met online, who is wonderful, but our income disparity hinders me from participating in certain activities with him. I feel uncomfortable admitting my financial constraints and hesitating to let him cover the expenses, so I often decline his invitations.
While I acknowledge that my main priority is my children’s well-being and having a secure home, reentering the dating scene after divorce poses challenges, especially in this scenario. I’m unsure how to address the issue of finances with him while still in the early stages of our relationship. Any suggestions?
Coleen’s Advice
In my opinion, honesty is key in this situation and there is no shame in being transparent. It doesn’t have to be a lengthy discussion, but the next time he proposes an expensive outing, you could simply say, “Since my divorce, I’ve been mindful of my finances, and I don’t want you to feel obligated to pay.”
Authenticity and openness at the beginning of a relationship are crucial. If he insists on covering the costs and is comfortable with it, then accept his offer.
Given your circumstances as a single parent with limited resources, he likely understands your financial situation and is considerate of your position.
Perhaps you can reciprocate by inviting him for a casual outing when feasible or preparing a nice meal at home for the two of you when your children are with their father.
Avoid overthinking the situation and creating unnecessary barriers. If he expresses a desire to be with someone of similar financial standing, he may not be the right match for you, as it indicates a misalignment in values.
Many single parents and individuals navigating post-divorce dating face similar challenges. If this gentleman is genuinely kind, he will empathize with your situation and not let finances become an obstacle. Best of luck.
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