An open marriage can only work if both parties are happy with the arrangement.
For many people, a marriage is a closed relationship between two people. But that idea of a monogamous bond doesn’t work for everyone, so some people embark on polyamorous relationships where they have more than one partner. This can take many forms, but some may choose to still get married while also seeing other people in something known as an open marriage.
Open marriages are not the same as cheating on your partner and only work if both people in the marriage consent. But one woman who was approached by her husband about the subject has found out the hard way that it can be highly damaging when one party isn’t happy – as she now regrets the choice she made.
In a post on Reddit, the woman said her husband asked her several months ago if they could try an open marriage after he admitted to having feelings for a colleague and thought he could be polyamorous. She came back with some options to try and compromise – including having access to his phone and attending couples therapy – but he declined.
The woman said she could not be in a polyamorous relationship, but also didn’t want to divorce her husband as the pair have a child together. So, the couple ultimately decided to end their romantic relationship and stay in a “platonic marriage”. They still live together but do not sleep in the same bed, and two months on the woman is struggling.
She said: “Its been about two months since this conversation. I think I’m 100% checked out now. He’s been making moves towards me. Flirting. Sending me cute texts. It’s been making it hard.
“He’s gone out with his ‘work friends’ and stays out late to work a lot. Other than that, everything is fine. We don’t fight. We don’t talk about his co-worker. He doesn’t ask me who I’m talking to. We say hi and bye to each other. We have opposite days off, so I don’t even spend time with him when I’m off work.”
The mum said she’s considered divorcing him, but feels as though she can’t because she’s the one who suggested the “platonic marriage”. She also admitted it would be financially difficult for her to leave him, and she doesn’t want to them to end on bad terms for the sake of their child.
She added: “I could kick him out and ask for divorce, but I want our relationship to stay friendly. He’s my kid’s dad, after all. I care for him and I love him. Even if we may not have a romantic marriage anymore, there is still affection here.”
Commenters on the post sympathised with the woman but ultimately told her that there’s no salvaging their relationship if he wants to see other people and she doesn’t. They encouraged her to have another conversation with her husband and tell him that she’s not happy and wants a divorce.
One person said: “I’m sorry, but platonic marriage is a stupid idea. You need to file for a divorce and be cordial co-parents.” Another added: “You should start dating. If he can, you can. Don’t be alone. Find someone better. Your kids will notice an unhappy home.”
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